So its been a long time since I last blogged. A little over 7 months in fact, as you can probably tell I'm not very good at regular articles. Every now and then however I feel the urge to write something. Today is one of those days.
I've considered writing a couple of times recently but haven't quite had the topic. Finally I have one, it is my thoughts on a part of a sermon I heard on Sunday evening, a very good one in fact. Those who read this who were at that service may know what I'm talking about from the title but for those who weren't there, weren't listening properly (sometimes a problem for me) or just don't remember (another common problem for me!) the vicar said something along the lines of this (I take creative license here as my wording is likely very wrong):
'We're always searching for a bit more to be happy, if only I got a promotion I'd be happy, if we get a promotion if only I was a manager I'd be happy or if only I was in a relationship I'd be happy, if we are in a relationship, if only I was engaged, or married. If we are married, if only I had kids....'
Every so often there are things that make you sit up and take notice, it was this statement for me, as I sat there and thought 'wait a minute... that's me', I've had an interesting time of things recently, a few things have happened. I won't go into details here but things just haven't quite been right in what has been going on with my relationship with God. I found I was having some issues. I wondered why and at that moment in church I realised why, I realised that during these issues I was saying to myself 'I'd be O.K if I just had....', I was giving myself this get out clause so to speak. In other words I was saying to God in a different way, you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours...
Oddly I knew I was doing it all along but it wasn't until the vicar said the above that I fully comprehended it. Suddenly I knew where I was and that I needed to get properly back on track and stop making excuses for myself.
It is at a moment like this where I realise how amazing God is, what I have been doing is wrong, in fact further what I have been doing is turning my back on God, some would put what I was doing in stronger terms... I am one of them but I won't write how I'd describe it here. If I was God, I would be fuming if this self-loving person was basically saying, 'this is my terms', 'I know better', 'You'll get over it, you'll forgive me' . In fact I reckon I'd turn around when it came back to bite him and say 'There you go, now thats what you deserve, deal with it'... in fact I'd probably sit there smuggly thinking, there you go, told you so.
Not my God. No my God turns around and says 'I love you, I do forgive you, now lets help you out'.
Since then, I have been trying with God's help to count my blessings for what I have. I try now not to focus on those things 'that I'd only be happy if I had' and instead focus on all the great things God has given me. For these and his help with a new outlook I am thankful to God.